Parentification is emotional abuse and leads to relational trauma.

👉 Parentification is a series of moments where there is role reversal, with the child stepping into the role of caregiver. The child in these situations is energetically and emotionally older than their parent. It can be easy for them to step into this call but they miss out on appropriate development, emotional attunement, and the joy of childhood by taking on a too big a responsibility.

This can happen in two ways. Instrumental parentification is when a parent assigns responsibilities that are not age or developmentally appropriate. Emotional parentification is when a child moves in to identify and fulfill the emotional needs of their parent.

An adult who was a parentified child may now struggle with...
- vulnerable intimacy in relationships
- have people pleasing and codependency
- appropriate boundaries
- deep abandonment and rejection wounds in relationships

✨️ This happens for a variety of reasons: emotionally immature parents, substance use, mental health issues, poverty and SES, parent's own childhood traumas, and lack of support.

Signs You Were A Parentified Child:

• You grew up thinking/feeling you were responsible for others and that if you didn't things would fall apart
• You were often praised for being responsible, strong, and mature
• You often felt that others in your life were unreliable
• You felt that being hyper self-reliant and independent was better than being disappointed when you were let down
• You saw your parents struggling to care for their emotions and stressors and felt it was your job
• You may now have people pleasing and codependent relationships

An emotionally healthy parent recognizes what is and what is not developmentally appropriate responsibility to give to a child. More importantly they know that their emotions are their one to manage and are secure enough with themselves in order to meet their own needs and desires.

💛 You can absolutely heal from the trauma of parentification. You can begin to differentiate yourself and your emotions from others by creating safety within yourself.

Is this a part of your story? Are you wanting to grow from it? Let me know!

xx,
​Roxana

Think you grew up with emotionally immature parents?

Keep reading to see if your experience compares to the common signs.
I know it may feel alarming or bring up feelings of resentment, but I want you to remember one thing: GENERATIONAL WOUNDS. Parents who are emotionally immature are wounded children. They are letting their wounded inner child run the show. And that sucks.

You know what would suck even more? If you let it run your life or pass it on to future generations. Instead you can feel the feelings of the impact and then take responsibility and heal.


SIGNS YOU GREW UP WITH EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS:

• You feel emotionally alone with them
• Their feelings and needs come first
• They don't communicate with your directly but expect you to pick up on cues (HENCE THE EMPATH CHILD)
• They don't respect your emotions, boundaries, autonomy, or individuality
• They use guilt and shame to get their needs met
• You carry the emotional work of the relationship
• You were a parentified child - left to fend for yourself, take care of siblings, and the parent
• They deflate your dreams and shut you down
• You feel mentally and emotionally trapped
• They are highly reactive, unapologetic, and cannot be vulnerable with you
  
• They avoid personal responsibility and blame others
• They struggle to validate your feelings resulting in you feeling misunderstood, ignored, not worthy of love
• They are ruled by their emotions and go from love bombing to withdrawing love or giving silent treatment
• They are often controlling -operating from projections and wounded inner child, they need you to fit in with their idea of self
• They make their children responsible for their happiness or sadness
• Everything is about them, "why can't you love me" or "now I'm a bad parent?"
• They don't encourage you trying new things or grow

TYPES OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS:

• Emotional: These parents are ruled by their emotions, highly reactive when triggered, swing from love bombing to love withdrawing.
• Driven- These parents are hyper-focused on goals & goal-oriented activities. They have high and unrealistic expectations and keep everyone busy.
• Passive - These parents are disengaged, avoid difficult topics and conversations. They usually rely on the more dominant parent to take charge and minimize problems.
• Rejecting- These parents have little interest in their children. They have little tolerance of others needs and focus on their own.

Your trauma was not your fault but healing is your responsibility.

That doesn't mean you have to do all on your own. Starting next week you can join a community of healers who are tackling issues just like this with a trained psychotherapist, me.
The Conscious Healing Program helps you unpack your childhood wounds, begin reparenting them, and showing up as the person you were meant to be before all the wounding.

I'm here to support you! Reach out to me via email: [email protected] to get started on healing from the effects of. 

With love, 
​Roxana

Processing your past and healing your mind-body-spirit is an on going practice. But what about when you are right in the thick of things? How do you best care for yourself in the aftermath of a trauma trigger?

I have some tips for you below! 

First, how can we tell if we have been triggered? There are some obvious indicators of when our trauma or past wounding has been triggered within us:

The emotional activation - an emotional reaction that doesn't quite fit with the occurrence indicates a past trauma has been activated. 

The body activation - your nervous system is responding to something and telling you there is danger ahead. 

The mind activation- ruminating thoughts in overdrive, shadow feelings coming through, feelings of being not enough. 

If you notice these symptoms happening after an incident then your trauma has been activated and your body is responding to past cues. 

Here is what you can do to calm the body down and re center in the heat of the moment: 

• Do 10 conscious breaths 
• Do 20 inhale and exhales - calming your body and nervous system down is CRUCIAL to managing thoughts
• Use self-talk to soothe yourself: "Ok my trauma is activated right now. I am safe and I know what I can do to ground myself."
• Do grounding and self-care throughout this day. 
• Do something that immediately switches your emotion (laugh for 5 minutes, yes I mean do some fake ha-ha-ing until you are feeling joy. Science says this works!) 
• Walk away, excuse yourself, and/or communicate about what you are experiencing. "Hey what just happened really activated a past wound of mine. This isn't about you but I need to take care of myself right now."
• For later: take your journal or notes app out and process what you experienced: what was the trigger? what did it remind me of? how did I respond to it? 

This most important thing you can do with a trauma activation is to create safety. Focus on creating a safe space for your mind and on calming the body. 

It is natural for the body to respond in this way- it wants to keep you safe. But this trigger is not the danger your mind/body remember it as. 

If you are in need of support then please reach out to me to schedule a 1:1. Having a safe place and person to share with in these moments makes a huge difference. 
 With love, 
Roxana

Learn more about the Heal Your Inner Child course and how you can move toward more authentic living with 8 weeks of psycho-education and healing. 

The body absorbs emotional energy from others, our experiences, and of course our own internal state. This impacts how we feel and how we think. 

If you're feeling blue there is one simple thing you can do to shift your emotional state, and that's MOVEMENT. 

Emotional energy needs to be moved to clear out. I'm not tell you to go pump iron or put yourself on a rigid workout regimen. This type of movement has nothing to do with how your body looks and everything to do with how you FEEL. 

So try this the next time you feel down- GET UP AND MOVE FOR 20 MINUTES: 

• Do 20 jumping jacks
• Dance it out 
• Run down the street and back
• Run in place!
• Play a sport you used to enjoy 
• Shake your body

This creates an immediate chemical change in your body while allowing the repressed emotional energy to move out of you. Making way for new emotions and experiences. 

Repressed energy in the body turns to dis-ease. Literally making you ill and bringing you further down the rabbit hole. 

I know that when we are depressed, doing anything can feel like a chore, do what you can to make this as easy and accessible as possible. 

This is how you care for a human. Because after all, you're just a little animal who needs the basics to operate at your highest potential. 
​

How are you feeling? Do you feel overwhelmed? Burnt out?

​You're not alone ❤️

It seems like everyone I know right now is doing their best to keep their head above water. When we feel overwhelmed, everything feels more difficult. It's almost like your brain can't process any other information. 

When I feel this way, I find that I make more careless mistakes like double booking a client 🙈 or posting an IG with a typo in the graphic! OOF! This really hits my perfectionist wound. 

We all need rest and sometimes we forget that.

Here are my top 5 ways to handle burn out when you simply cannot even: 

• Allowance- let it be ok to take rest. You are allowed! You're a human being and burn out is a sign from your body to take pause. 
• Get back to basics- these moments help us shed what isn't aligned or working. Take a moment to SIMPLIFY your routine in as many ways you can.
• Remember you're an animal- Check in with normal human care. Are you doing the things a human needs? Water? Healthy food? Movement? Socialization? Find simple ways to create shifts to incorporate more daily care into your life. 
• Schedule time for yourself- Whether it's the hour of therapy you block on your schedule or an hour or art. Create space in your schedule for 1 hour a week to give back to yourself. PUT IT IN THE CALENDAR AND MAKE IT NON-NEGOTIABLE. YOU ARE ALLOWED!
• Ground into your authenticity- Burn out can bring forth trauma patterning of being lost in the tornado. Create a list of things you care about, are you doing any of them? Double down on who/how you want to show up in life.

Please know, you're not a failure for burning out or feeling overwhelmed by life and responsibilities. You are human. This is part of our experience but if we can use our conscious mind then we can allow burn out to be a guide post toward our more authentic selves. 

If you are in need of support then please reach out to me to schedule a 1:1. Having a safe place and person to share with in these moments makes a huge difference. 
 With love, 
Roxana

Book your 1:1 consult with me to determine where you are at in your healing stage and what is the correct next step for you! 

Learn more about the Heal Your Inner Child course and how you can move toward more authentic living with 8 weeks of psycho-education and healing. 

Do you ever wonder how you'll know when you are more healed?

Well, first we should acknowledge that life is a series of highs and lows. You will never simply "arrive" to your healing and be finished. Until the end of your human experience that is. But, healing your inner child brings forth more security in you and trust in your ability to manage challenges as they come. 

When I went through my healing journey, I experienced what I now know is called, "a dark night of the soul." I was at the lowest point of my life. Struggling to find the energy to take my sweet dog out for walks and barely able to speak to others. I took time off work and I rested. It wasn't a conscious choice at the time, I won't pretend it was. It came from absolute need and body shut down. 

It was rock bottom until I dedicated to my future self and my core belief- that things could get better.

I began the work of guided meditations to access my subconscious memories and journaling daily to further process what was coming up.

It felt like a literal metamorphic period 🐛 👉 🦋

I emerged as a more confident, secure, and brave person and therapist. I felt more able to help my clients because I truly related to their experience. It energized my soul in a way I had never experienced before. Thus- The Conscious Healing Program was born. I knew I needed to share my knowledge with others. I knew it was possible for healing to be achieved. 

Here are some of the things that have changed for me since I did the healing work: 

• I feel more connected to my authentic intuitive voice
• I manage my emotions and reactions with intention and more care
• I hold myself accountable to my goals 
• I am able to set and hold boundaries
• I express my needs and feelings with others
• I feel connected to myself, to source, to others in my life
• I raised my self-worth and am able to choose higher self-worth actions
• I dropped the shame, lack, doubt that held me back for so long
• I feel more secure in myself and therefore in my relationships
• I feel more creative than ever before 
• I stopped using substances and media to numb to emotions
• I feel joy, gratitude, and abundance daily in my life 

These changes are possible for you too. You can heal, you can feel better, you can!! But it won't happen without intentional effort.

Sounds good, right??

If you're ready to begin healing your inner child send me an email, let's get on a complimentary consultation call and talk more about your exact needs. 

xx, 
Roxana

I find that it is easier to understand  big concepts through real life experience. So let's walk through a little pattern my friend Josephine struggles with to better understand how her childhood patterning was impacting her adult life. 

Josephine is a 34 year old she/her living in Los Angeles, CA. Since she was a pre-teen she has struggled with depression and anxiety, for which her parents helped her receive care. For a while it would dissipate, but after five years in her role as project manager she found herself utterly despondent and disillusioned by life.

"I'm just over it. Nothing makes me happy. I want to give up," she told me. 

She thought there must be something seriously wrong with her! She came from a good family, made 150k annually, had her own apartment, a sweet partner, and friends a plenty.  

As we spent more time together, it became clear that Josephine had long held a dream of becoming a pastry chef. In fact, she would make these chocolate macaroons for our friend's parties that were better than anything I've tasted in Paris! 

When I asked her why she had not pursued her dream she was full of limiting beliefs and programming: 
🥐 Well you can't make enough money from a bakery
🍪 I should have a serious job and climb the corporate ladder like my dad! He has good retirement benefits 
🍩 I wouldn't be good at running a business. I would fail and that would be embarrassing

Josephine is my dear friend, so I encouraged her to begin exploring her childhood patterns to better understand why she felt it was so impossible for her to be a successful pastry chef. 

She used the Conscious Healing Program's wounded meditation to learn that her fear of not having money came from a family who had fled their home country. She was told that having a CAREER was the only way to find security and safety in life. That it was the most important thing in the world. And yet- her working parents had gone bankrupt in the 2008 recession and she saw her community lose homes and resources- it seemed that even a career couldn't keep you safe and this filled her with more anxiety. 

Josephine used the reparent meditation to begin filling her subconscious with another possibility. One where personal satisfaction and joy would be important. She began to identify other people in her life without "conventional careers" who were making it. Our friend, Jon who left his family company to start his own investment firm, a friend who created a Paleo online store, and our dear friends The O'Connor's who sell dog merchandise made from Mexico online! Somehow- they were all making it and more-they were joyful and filled with purpose. 

And in what appeared to be just her luck-with more time at home during the pandemic she began baking for her neighbors. Just for fun. Soon she was receiving personal requests for birthdays and weddings. Nothing big but enough that she knew she was living as her authentic self. 

Though these changes didn't happen over night, Josephine has now sold her treats at several farmer's markets this year! She found that baking brought her so much joy it made staying at her job easier. She hasn't left her job...yet. Real life concerns her and because the programming is so deep- she is not ready to step into full trust. AND THAT'S OKAY!!!! You don't have to make a big sweeping change for it to work.

You just have to steps toward yourself. 

Josephine messaged me a few days ago saying, "I made you the carrot cake you like." Oh wait... no it was this one, "My mom messaged me the other day asking if I would make their anniversary cake. I just wanted to say thank you- my mom never believed in me, or so I thought. Through doing the work- I see now how I was the only who could give myself permission to be this person." 

You may have had a wonderful childhood and never thought to look back on it. You may feel you were not affected by your parents beliefs- patterning can be so sneaky, nuanced, and deeply rooted that you may not have noticed where it is at play. 

Exploring your childhood is so that you can become consciously aware of the childhood imprinting and patterns you witnessed at this stage of development. 

👉👉Curious if patterning is at play? Answer these questions in your journal: 

• What pattern am I curious about?
• What feelings come up around this pattern? How does it make me feel about myself?
• When do I notice myself falling into this loop?
• What did I witness in childhood? Was there anyone who acted similarly?
• What need does this pattern fill? How does it serve me?
• What would a healthy conscious parent do? How can I meet this need now?

💫 When you become conscious of these patterns you can make changes that are more aligned with your true self.

I wanted to share with you about some of the most common misconceptions about trauma work. First, we should understand the different trauma diagnosis that exist. 

• Acute PTSD: This is the one we hear about when thinking about soldiers returning from war, car accidents, medical emergency, etc. It stems from one incident or (one block of incidents) in a short period of time. 
• Complex PTSD: C-PTSD is the one we refer to when talking about childhood trauma. This is when the traumatic incidents are chronic, ongoing, and widespread throughout a period of time. 

Many experience acute ptsd within their c-ptsd. Both of these would leave you with long lasting impact in mind-body-soul. The good news? Trauma focused psychotherapy can help facilitate your healing. 

This brings me to the common misconceptions I hear about trauma work: 👉 I'll have to talk about the trauma again and again > You will bring forth the traumatic events but you will do so in order to better understand the impact and perceptions it has created for you. There is absolutely no need to go over and over the moment - AS IT WAS. In fact- in the conscious healing program we learn to reparent these events by visualizing them having happened in the most supportive to you way. 

👉 Bringing up trauma memories is scary and not worth it >  Whether you consciously remember your traumas or not they are effecting you. The only way to create change around them is to bring them into your conscious mind. This can be scary but learning how to regulate your emotions and nervous system will only make you stronger. Remember! The subconscious will not reveal anything to you that it feels your ego is not ready to handle. 

👉 It will take YEARS of trauma therapy before I heal >  It will take time to heal but you will begin to see the changes in yourself within months. Clients who went through the 8 week program found their symptoms decreased and their understanding around themselves and their trauma grew. 

👉 My family will not believe me and nothing will ever change, so why bother? > You cannot find healing at the feet of those who hurt you (willingly or unwillingly). Doing trauma work will help you realize this limiting belief and how it has held you back. When you change the world around you changes to meet you. Your family may not understand but healing your core creates a more secure sense of self that is not locked into the enmeshed dynamics that family trauma can create. (Also... have to toot my own horn and say: many of my clients begin talking honestly with their family about their experiences while doing the work... just saying 😄)

👉 My therapist will be overwhelmed and not want to see me anymore > This is a belief that trauma creates. The shame and shadow of trauma keep us isolated and hidden. Your therapist of all people is trained to hold space for your trauma. You don't need to ever apologize for showing up and being vulnerable, crying, trauma-dumping, with me. I am honored that you let me see you fully. 

Exploring your childhood is so that you can become consciously aware of the childhood imprinting and patterns you witnessed at this stage of development. 

We don't bring up the trauma for *funsies* and then just send you out into the world, No- we bring the trauma forward to learn about how it's showing up TODAY.

In order to own your future- you must make sense of the past 💫

If you're ready to start healing from your childhood send me an email and set up a free consultation call [email protected]. 

The Heal Your Inner Child Course is now available to do on your own time! Check it out and sign up here.

You are strong. 
You are capable of healing. 
Healing is possible. 
You are worth it! 

xx, 
​Roxana 

I have been doing healing work (personally and professionally) for some time now. I'd say decades but then I would age myself and I am only focusing on things that make me feel good at the moment. 

I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder for so much of my life. After years of therapy, I began shadow and inner child work, which truly brought me the deepest healing. Yet- some weeks I would still be feeling like sh!t. Looking around I wondered why my reality wasn't matching up to what I desired. I realized my thinking was still in FULL resistance. I had so much doubt and fear clouding the feel good thoughts that my vibration was a mixed bag. It needed cleaning up. 

As many of you know I counsel with a spiritual perspective, considering our souls, and energetic vibration to offer a more holistic approach to healing. Our thoughts and emotions emit energetic waves into the physical world and therefore reflect our reality. I wondered if I could be doing more to take care of my vibration. So I began a 30 day vibrational challenge to help me focus on feeling good. 

The purpose of this challenge was not to "manifest" anything. It was simply, to feel better.

Feeling better is a good place to start. 

Here are the 15 things I did everyday: 

1. Quieted my mind before getting out of bed for at least 5 minutes
2. Monitored my thinking and chose to focus (and come back to) the good feeling thoughts
3. Reprogrammed negative beliefs and patterns as they came up
4. Journaled daily about any limiting beliefs and triggers
5. Surrendered to not knowing and allowing the universe to provide 
6. Made a commitment to only take inspired action 
7. Gave myself extra grace, compassion, and care
8. Learned to find satisfaction and joy everyday
9. Appreciated what I already have and gave gratitude for it
10. Respectfully avoided conversations that made me feel bad or confused
11. Communicated my needs and boundaries to the universe, myself, and those around me openly
12. Mediated daily 
13. Allowed the contrast to show me what I want 
14. Understood that it is about "getting there" and not "having it" 
15. Took care of my physical body (exercise, healthy foods, epsom salt baths, etc) 

If you are doing everything you can to care for yourself but still not feeling THE BEST, you may want to check in with your vibration. 

I am 2 weeks in and feel many shifts already.

Here are some of the things I gave up: 

• Obsessively checking zillow or dating apps 
• Mindless dooms scrolling 
• Feeling bad about where I am 
• Focusing on all that is going "wrong" 
• Not efforting things instead allowing 

Have you ever done something like this before? What do you think?

​I will report back after the 30 days are completed! xx