ROXANA KARIMI, LMFT
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How to Care For a Human
A blog on the psycho-spiritual-emotional-physical aspects of the human experience. 

Signs You Were A Parentified Child

12/27/2022

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Parentification is emotional abuse and leads to relational trauma.

👉 Parentification is a series of moments where there is role reversal, with the child stepping into the role of caregiver. The child in these situations is energetically and emotionally older than their parent. It can be easy for them to step into this call but they miss out on appropriate development, emotional attunement, and the joy of childhood by taking on a too big a responsibility.

This can happen in two ways. Instrumental parentification is when a parent assigns responsibilities that are not age or developmentally appropriate. Emotional parentification is when a child moves in to identify and fulfill the emotional needs of their parent.

An adult who was a parentified child may now struggle with...
- vulnerable intimacy in relationships
- have people pleasing and codependency
- appropriate boundaries
- deep abandonment and rejection wounds in relationships

✨️ This happens for a variety of reasons: emotionally immature parents, substance use, mental health issues, poverty and SES, parent's own childhood traumas, and lack of support.

Signs You Were A Parentified Child:
  • You grew up thinking/feeling you were responsible for others and that if you didn't things would fall apart
  • You were often praised for being responsible, strong, and mature
  • You often felt that others in your life were unreliable
  • You felt that being hyper self-reliant and independent was better than being disappointed when you were let down
  • You saw your parents struggling to care for their emotions and stressors and felt it was your job
  • You may now have people pleasing and codependent relationships

An emotionally healthy parent recognizes what is and what is not developmentally appropriate responsibility to give to a child. More importantly they know that their emotions are their one to manage and are secure enough with themselves in order to meet their own needs and desires.

💛 You can absolutely heal from the trauma of parentification. You can begin to differentiate yourself and your emotions from others by creating safety within yourself.

Is this a part of your story? Are you wanting to grow from it? Let me know!

xx,
​Roxana

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Signs and Types of Emotionally Immature Parents

12/27/2022

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Think you grew up with emotionally immature parents?

Keep reading to see if your experience compares to the common signs.
I know it may feel alarming or bring up feelings of resentment, but I want you to remember one thing: GENERATIONAL WOUNDS. Parents who are emotionally immature are wounded children. They are letting their wounded inner child run the show. And that sucks.

You know what would suck even more? If you let it run your life or pass it on to future generations. Instead you can feel the feelings of the impact and then take responsibility and heal.


SIGNS YOU GREW UP WITH EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS:
  • You feel emotionally alone with them
  • Their feelings and needs come first
  • They don't communicate with your directly but expect you to pick up on cues (HENCE THE EMPATH CHILD)
  • They don't respect your emotions, boundaries, autonomy, or individuality
  • They use guilt and shame to get their needs met
  • You carry the emotional work of the relationship
  • You were a parentified child - left to fend for yourself, take care of siblings, and the parent
  • They deflate your dreams and shut you down
  • You feel mentally and emotionally trapped
  • They are highly reactive, unapologetic, and cannot be vulnerable with you
  • They avoid personal responsibility and blame others
  • They struggle to validate your feelings resulting in you feeling misunderstood, ignored, not worthy of love
  • They are ruled by their emotions and go from love bombing to withdrawing love or giving silent treatment
  • They are often controlling -operating from projections and wounded inner child, they need you to fit in with their idea of self
  • They make their children responsible for their happiness or sadness
  • Everything is about them, "why can't you love me" or "now I'm a bad parent?"
  • They don't encourage you trying new things or grow

TYPES OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS:

  • Emotional: These parents are ruled by their emotions, highly reactive when triggered, swing from love bombing to love withdrawing.
  • Driven- These parents are hyper-focused on goals & goal-oriented activities. They have high and unrealistic expectations and keep everyone busy.
  • Passive - These parents are disengaged, avoid difficult topics and conversations. They usually rely on the more dominant parent to take charge and minimize problems.
  • Rejecting- These parents have little interest in their children. They have little tolerance of others needs and focus on their own.

Your trauma was not your fault but healing is your responsibility.

That doesn't mean you have to do all on your own. Starting next week you can join a community of healers who are tackling issues just like this with a trained psychotherapist, me.
The Conscious Healing Program helps you unpack your childhood wounds, begin reparenting them, and showing up as the person you were meant to be before all the wounding.

I'm here to support you! Reach out to me via email: rkarimitherapy@gmail.com to get started on healing from the effects of. 

With love, 
​Roxana
2 Comments

    Roxana Karimi
    LMFT

    ​

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