Sometimes our feelings are so big and powerful that we want to avoid them. However, in doing so we numb ALL feelings, even positive ones like joy. There are the classic ways of numbing like drugs and alcohol to the more seemingly harmless behaviors like watching TV, binge eating, eating junk foods, scrolling through social media, or watching hours of YouTube videos. Anything that you aren’t doing with intention as a way to TUNE OUT. It isn’t that these are “bad” behaviors, just that it can be helpful to recognize the feeling behind them and that you pay attention to why you’re doing them so that you can hear what your inner voice is trying to communicate.
    Are you really hungry or are you feeling lonely? Will eating a bag of chips or spending 2 hours on TikTok alleviate this feeling? Most likely not, but it does hush it down. Our inner voice needs attention and care just like a child to be fully cultivated and active. It is what directs us and keeps us authentically on the right path. But we’ve learned to not spend time with our feelings. To pour a glass of wine at the end of a hard day rather than take 15-20 minutes to journal or mediate on uncomfortable feelings that came up. Why? Because we think it will be easier. Because it can be really hard when you’re feeling down to DO SOMETHING about it. But the more you ignore that voice, the further away you get from your authentic self. If we lean in we can find the root and make changes in our life. That’s scary too, you’ll have to become accountable to yourself! Once you KNOW something it is really hard to ignore and UNKOW it. But you can do hard things and in doing the hard thing, your life flows more freely.
    When we numb to avoid the pain it becomes difficult to recognize any of our feelings. Feelings like anxiety are an evolutionary trait to protect us from danger. If you felt NO ANXIETY all the time you might get in trouble. There are certain times when it is appropriate to feel anxious or nervous. And of course, if we feel nothing than how can we feel contentment and joy?
    I’d like to leave you with a journal prompt to get you thinking about how you take care of yourself so you can be more aware of what you need as you become aware of your own numbing habits.
​
Let’s journal about: NUMBING
Think about the last time you had a really tough day. What did it feel like when you got home? What feeling/s were you trying to avoid? How do you soothe yourself when you have uncomfortable feelings?
Image from pinterest

       We hear about projections in pop culture often in jest, a way to make fun and decrease responsibility for the behaviors we don’t like, by allowing us to reject them outside of ourself. I don’t want you to think of projections as just psychobabble. From birth to the present moment, the world becomes a mirror for the shadow aspects of self. These aspects show up mirrored back in people and situations as it is easier for our fragile ego to see. But rather than be grateful for the light they shine we feel triggered. If you have been triggered by a projection it might feel like: annoyance, resentment, disrespect, or even disgust. A strong feeling of whatever “THAT” trait or situation is does not belong in me. NO WAY, NO HOW!

    Looking at our projections help us see the areas in our life that could use growth. The parts of self we have rejected and so judge in others. If we pay attention, projections illuminate the shadow self. After years of pushing away and rejecting this aspect it will be difficult to notice. It feels instead that the person or situation triggering you is to blame. You may find it difficult to see in yourself. But sit with it! Getting quiet and allowing your subconscious to be brought forward is really necessary. One way I like to do this is, is by listening to binaural beats in a theta frequency. Try looking for theta tracks on Spotify or YouTube, both have plenty of options. I personally like the Binaural Beats: Theta Brainwaves playlist on Spotify!
​
    Projections show us our shadow and reparenting the shadow leads to more authenticity. More authenticity leads to more contentment and a significant decrease in mental health symptoms. So think back on the last time you felt really triggered by something or someone. The last time you had that really guttural ego kick. I will leave you with a journal prompt to help you think back on this. Let you shadow come through, growth is uncomfortable but SO SO worth it!​

Let’s Journal About: Projections
When was the last time you felt triggered by a person or situation? What was the core issue of this trigger? What did it feel like? Has there ever been a time you acted the way this trigger made you feel? Can you link it to a memory in childhood?
(image from Pinterest)  

​In Jungian psychology, shadow refers to the unconscious aspects of self that the conscious self does not identify with. We are ruled by these unconscious shadow aspects and allow them to run our lives when they are not in our conscious awareness.These are often parts of self that makes us feel sad or bring up shame. Shadow aspects could be parts of self that were rejected in childhood. So we learn to protect ourself, repress the feelings, hide our wounds, and in doing so hide from our most authentic self.
Shadow leads to subconscious limiting beliefs. For example, when you were little you may have wanted to be an astronaut. Maybe you were a curious child and authentically in tune what made you feel good and you shared this with a parent or a school teacher who responded with “oh that’s a lovely idea, but you have to be REALLY smart to be an astronaut”. Oof that stings! Your ego feels wounded and you push back that child like authenticity and squash the intuitive voice that told you what YOU wanted. You form a limiting belief around the fact that you are not smart and certainly not smart enough. You may stop trying in school, wanting to protect that fragile ego from failing and proving it true. You hide the pieces of yourself that know you can do more or well. You stray far from your authentic self and you begin to view that trait negatively outside of yourself. Becoming triggered and looking down on those who do well in school or work hard at it. That’s your shadow, that little piece of your soul living outside of yourself.
Shadow becomes a part of our personality and it greatly impacts relationships. As these shadow selves are formed during attachment years we are also learning about how to show up relationally and what to hide. For example, maybe you had parents who didn’t have time (or know how) to play with you. You may have tried to get their attention or asked dad to play and heard, “not right now” but right now never came. So you repressed parts of yourself that sought connection. You wiggle into your shell and deny the parts of self that need play. This person may become a work-aholic and struggles with finding joy activities. Or they may find it difficult to trust others without fear of being disappointed.
Uncovering your shadow can be uncomfortable work. It takes quiet self-reflection and effort to notice these dark parts of self. In therapy you can work on identifying these shadow aspects, the core beliefs that they formed, and working to reparent and heal these aspects as you reintegrate them into your conscious personality. When we can make them conscious we begin to shift these limiting beliefs into a more balanced neutral view, allowing it to be reintegrated into our personality. In doing so, you feel more confident, have higher self-worth, live more authentically and most importantly see a decrease in trauma symptoms such as depression and anxiety.
I will leave you with this journal prompt to get familiar with your shadow. Sit in quiet reflection for 15–20 minutes and then journal what your subconscious shows you. BE HONEST with yourself. You can work to reintegrate this aspect back into your personality in a healthy way, but only if you become aware of it.
Let’s journal about: SHADOW
Is there a trait you feel shame about or judge in others? Someone/thing that makes you cringe? Can you link that to a time you behaved this way? What was the response you received?

There are millions of people around the world who struggle with disease like depression and anxiety. Millions of people united in their pain and united in their silence around it until recently. As humanity’s consciousness awakes we have become more vocal. We express our thoughts freely on twitter, we echo #metoo, and shout back against racism and all the ism’s on its back. As we wake up, we begin upon a path toward unlearning the patterns that no longer serve us well.
To be authentic is to live truly. Though living true is not an easy thing to do, the more I do it the better I feel. And so do many of my clients who struggle with depression, anxiety, and trauma brain. Just think of all the messaging you receive from birth. The programming you get from society down to well meaning parents. The covert and overt messaging of who to be and what to like. From birth you’re learning all the things it’s unsafe to be. As we grow we discover that some of those things actually fit better with who we are. That if we make decisions from a place of honesty and empathy we are happier. I believe that by following the little voice inside your head and living more intuitively you serve better in life. That the more true you are to you and what your purpose is on Earth the easier your path unfolds. While flowing and serving the people around you in a much better way. The Persian poet Rumi says, “When you walk along the way, the way appears.” I read it as the most beautiful, concise way of saying: LIVE AUTHENTICALLY.
So why don’t we do it? It sounds SO easy right? Just do what you want!! SEEK PLEASURE AT ALL COSTS! No, this is not a hedonistic point of view. Living true comes with respecting everything around you. That is living in worth and coming from a place of truth.
One of the biggest reasons it is so difficult is that we have hundreds of subconscious limiting beliefs bubbling around the authentic self. It takes self-reflection, honesty, and meditation to hear these beliefs. Some are loud and recognizable but many are those deeply ingrained, tiny little nuanced things you picked up along the way. Therapy can be a great way to get to know your authentic self. You hear your ideas bounced off another person, and you see yourself reflected back in someone who doesn’t know you outside of that room, and is not invested in anything other than your well being. You can figure out who you want to be. A great way to boost that learning and unlearning is to pair it journaling.
Pulling that voice out and amplifying it loud enough for you to discern is a big chunk of the work. The other comes in listening to it every time it speaks. These intuitive moments don’t often make sense. If you miss it or you doubt it that’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up, just learn from it and listen the next time. These intuitive messages will get louder until you hear them. A lot of clients wonder about the difference between anxious thoughts vs. authentic thoughts. These Intuitive hits feel clear and calm, just a pop of awareness maybe fleeting. While Anxious thoughts feel shelled from a place of insecurity and fear. This is a good way to determine which is which. When we ignore this voice we can be left feeling depressed, anxious, far from our true self and calling. Living authentically and following these moments of truth reflected back you will lead you to be more open. More open to give and to receive. Id like to leave you with a journal entry to get to know your authentic self a little better today.
Let’s journal about the AUTHENTIC SELF- I’d like you to find time to get quiet. 15–30 minutes of sitting quietly, maybe after a bath or shower. Sit with your thoughts, allowing them to come without judgment and redirection while thinking about the question, then write: Where do your thoughts go during the day? What do you think about the most? Can you do a little more of that everyday? How can you incorporate it?

First, I’d like to acknowledge my place in this. I have been born with the immense privilege of white skin and light eyes. I have not lived with the injustices that Black people in America (and worldwide) experience daily. I have shoplifted from stores, walked into abandoned homes, I’ve been pulled over by the police countless times as a reckless teenager and yet, I managed to walk away alive. Though I have not personally known what it feels like to always be in fear that you will be targeted because of your skin, I can try to empathize. I can imagine the sort of trauma you’d live with everyday when you are constantly afraid that you will be in danger because of your skin color. The pain it causes, the behaviors you take on as your brain tries to protect you while you process the pain in a culture that has been gaslighting you to feel as if you have none and no right to, because slavery was abolished many moons ago. As if when we made things illegal the pain disappeared like magic into thin air. As if the systems changed with the law to create true equality and not instead continue to target humans based on race.
As a culturally sensitive and empathetic person I truly believed that I understood this. I felt my work in community mental health and the foster care system made me an ally and an advocate. I grew up as a daughter of an immigrant family. An immigrant family from an Islamic country. Oh, I have felt the racism rampant in America. I have been othered and ostracized at times and felt that my experience was similar. Mostly unaware of the privilege my skin tone has given me. The usual response I get from White Americans when they become aware of my ethnicity is, “oh wow you don’t look Iranian. Are you half?” As if people can only be boxed in to categories of race. As if I had looked like my darker ancestors I would not be valued but clearly I must have had SOME European in me making me worthy. There are MILLIONS of Iranians with pasty skin and green eyes like me. But I realized that this was a mistake I had been making too. That I had been saying “we” when I referred to the Black Lives Matter movement as if I was not hiding safely behind my own white skin. I had been equating my experiences with those of the Black community and that was wrong and totally unfair. They are vastly different.
This week I took on the #amplifymelantedvoices challenge on my instagram page. I vowed to stay silent, not promoting my own content or voice. I began to follow more accounts of black men and women in my communities, sharing their work and hoping to teach my followers, my family and friends, about what it means to be an ally. I didn’t realize how much I would learn about myself and my own racism in the course of a week. I began to read Ibram X Kendi’s book How to be An Antiracist. I looked back on experiences and conversations I have had in the past. My eyes truly open for the first time to how deeply ingrained these issues can be. I felt the white guilt for having sat at tables and broken bread with people who I knew to be racist. For having bit my tongue or laughed at their “jokes” for fear of being other-ed myself. I feel ashamed for not speaking up then but I will now.
I felt I had understood what #blackoutTuesday was meant to be when I shared that I would be muted on Sunday evening. However, come Tuesday morning my feed became filled with little black boxes from everyone, their mom, and their dog’s IG accounts, I was so confused. I posted a blackbox, then deleted it, then posted it again, then deleted again and chose to stay deleted as the message became clear. It was an opportunity to AMPLIFY MELANATED VOICES not to wash them out with black boxes. I continued instead to share helpful resources, charities to donate to, and petitions to sign to find some semblance of justice for those who have lost their lives. I cried with clients and friends, I attended a peaceful protest, and continued to expand my knowledge on how to be an antiracist ally. Meanwhile, I saw some white friends and brands go back to business as usual, posting selfies and promos of lip kits (not her specifically her- you know what I mean). This enraged me. How could people just move on? Well, I figure they may be the same people who just up and decided that they were over Covid too. I hope that they realize that BLACK LIVES MATTER is not just a viral trend. That black lives matter IRL and not just on the internet for clout. That they continue to do the work PUBLICLY AND PRIVATELY. That their black box is not doing anything at all. That black people’s LITERAL lives and well being are on the line. I hope they do not hide cushy behind their white skin.
Kendi writes that to be an antiracist, “requires persistent self-awareness, constant self-criticism, and regular self-examination”. This week has been the start of a true look into myself and the mistakes I have made. I will continue to do the work, I will say the wrong thing from the right place, and I will change. I will point out racist ideology or comments that friends and family make. Not as an attack but as a way to educate and begin to shift beliefs. I can and will do better. I hope that you do too. We have seen the positive change that protests have already brought forth but this is a worldwide movement that will not end until change happens from the ground up. In America, everything from our education system to our justice and police systems need change. It will be a long road with many opportunities to learn and it starts from within as do most moments of growth and change. Learning, expanding, and evolving take time. They require patience and kindness toward self and others. Our consciousness is shifting from an individual and collective space and it is important that we continue to have empathy and utilize our voices in solidarity with the Black community.