Deep Subconscious Layers of Trauma
Let's take a look at some of the more deeply ingrained layers of subconscious trauma.
Generational trauma is the trauma experienced from caregivers and the family line which is then passed on through offspring. This is when we often see the cycles of abuse being repeated in families.
Catastrophic events such as war, enslavement, concentration camp victims, as well as interpersonal issues such as, addiction, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.Why does this happen? For one, we store trauma in the body and the brain allowing for genetic transfer. Second, we project our experiences onto the world and our children in hopes of repairing unconscious wounds resulting in repeating cycles. When we heal ourselves we end the line of generational trauma. Your family may not have had the tools or level of consciousness to stop the cycle but you can! If you are awake enough to be seeking this information and have a desire to do the inner work you can heal the line of trauma in your family and stop it from continuing further.
Past life trauma- trauma that has imprinted onto the soul from past lives. Controversial but necessary information for you. If you are an energetic being that has reincarnated onto this earth then you store memories from these past lives deep in your unconscious. Past life trauma often shows up as unexplainable phobias, disruptive behaviors, difficulty with relationships and certain family members. Considering that I just wrote an entire novel based on past life trauma it would be remiss to not mention it here. Though I know it will be seen as controversial to many. Past life trauma has been up for debate in the scientific world for some time but in the spiritual community it has long been dealt with and understood. Renowned psychiatrist Dr. Brian Weiss wrote about it after an experience with a psychiatric patient who was not improving from her symptoms after some time. Through regression hypnosis that was intended to take the patient back to explore childhood trauma it was discovered that she went way far back to another lifetime. Accurately describing events and details that would be otherwise unknown to her. In exploring and understanding her past life trauma her phobias and traumatic symptoms were alleviated completely. We store so many memories in our unconscious mind- including those from our previous energetic lives. In using meditation and hypnosis you can access and uncover these memories. This is next level healing! You will need to be more connected and in tune with your authentic voice (the highest self) to unpack these experiences.
What is Trauma?
Complex trauma: Childhood trauma (a threat to physical or emotional well being) often results in symptoms such as: interpersonal differences, difficult relationships, emotional dysregulation, lack of trust and sense of self, avoidance, and symptoms of re-experiencing trauma when triggered.
These symptoms fall under a diagnosis of C-PTSD. they are similar to but more pervasive than PTSD which often results in acute trauma from a single event. both are awful and require work toward rewiring the brain to fully heal.
PTSD symptoms such as: hypervigilance, nightmares, flashbacks, hyperarousal, and paranoia are present in both.
When we experience complex trauma our sense of trust in the world and ourselves is heavily impacted. We feel clouded in confusion, filled with doubt, and fear. In this state it is very difficult to be near your authentic self. You may have glimpses but they seem impossible or meant for others. However, it is possible to heal from trauma. Looking at your wounds and triggers will help you find the areas that need healing from childhood traumas. Once you have reached a level of healing you can begin to reconnect with the authentic self. Healing complex trauma symptoms will help you see more clearly and become more in tune with your inner voice. When you follow these clues from your soul you can walk toward your authentic self more confidently.
Listen to my podcast to learn more about trauma! You can find it
on spotify and at the link below
The Conscious Healing Program
I am so excited to share with you what I've been working on! Finally, a way to get to the deep healing work of therapy on your own. I do HIGHLY recommend you work with me or another therapist as you go through the Conscious Healing program to further process the wounding you uncover. However, it is not required and the course is made so that you can go through it on your own and at your own pace. With the journal prompts I've created you will uncover the wounded self, unpack adverse childhood experiences to gain perspective on your wounds and projections, and reconnect with the authentic self. We will use sound healing meditations to get deep into the crevices of your neural material and create deep conscious healing. This step is important for reprogramming old wounds into an embodied fully integrated authentic version of self.
Stay tuned for my newsletter sign up coming in the next few weeks! I will be releasing a FREE sound healing body scan when you sign up so that you can start to experience CONSCIOUS HEALING and get a taste for what the work will be like. I'm so happy that you'll be starting this journey. It is the BEST thing you can do for yourself and a sign that you are already working toward embodying your highest self.
Inner Voice Healing
I have spent the last 10 years keeping spirit out of the therapy room. This has been disservice to every client I’ve seen. I believe that in order to heal from the root we must combine psychology with spirituality. I believe there is a voice inside of you, the truest version of self that has been quieted due to adverse childhood experiences. I call this, The Inner Voice. You’ve heard the it before. Maybe it’s told you to take a left turn adding fifteen minutes to your drive later to realize that you avoided a three car pile up. Or maybe it’s revealed to you parts of your purpose in those moments where you’ve felt fully lit up. Some call this voice, the gut, intuition, or a knowing. This inner voice is the most authentic version of self. The highest self, aware of all levels of consciousness in the body. The inner voice can become snuffed and injured by misattunement from caregivers. The seemingly well intentioned comments made by others that break us at the inner most space. The traumatic life events that you have put you in survival mode. When a piece of the soul has been rejected or shamed, we shrink and we shut it down to avoid the painful feelings. This causes fragmentation to the inner voice, creating shadow and projections based on the core belief formed. From the moment we are born our subconscious is gaining new information, observing, analyzing, and dictating how we SHOULD move in the world.
I’ve created a 7 week course to help you meet your wounded self and reconnect with the inner voice using theta waves to get into the subconscious, and journal prompts to explore your childhood experiences while addressing the limiting beliefs around your wounded self. So many of us feel dissatisfied, depressed, disillusioned, and just plan UNHAPPY because we have strayed so far from our authentic path. From today on, I want you to view the dissatisfaction as a gift. A gift that is signaling you toward realignment. This course will be released in January and I cannot wait to share it with you all. I believe that good therapy should be accessible and affordable to everyone. Unfortunately it is not, so I’ve recreated what therapy would look like over time and expanded it by adding the meditations and self-reflection work so that you can do it on your own. I do recommend working with a therapist through it if you can. I don’t ever want not having funds to stop anyone from self-healing realignment work.
I feel that connecting spirit with science is the most effective way of healing and growth. But, I am respectful that not everyone has these beliefs or wants anything to do with it. That’s ok, you don’t have to. But I encourage you to sit with that feeling, could it be you are rejecting an aspect of self? Have heard this voice before and have been shamed for it? I am no way suggesting we abandon traditional therapy or pretend that mental illness does not exist. I am simply offering a different perspective. As we move toward the new year, I will share more about the course, release bits from it, and more about my own spiritual journey through life. Here are some things that we’ll cover: meet your wounded self, projection and shadow, attachment perspective, manifestation and CBT.
Let's Talk About: Self-soothing
The most important thing you’ll ever learn is how to regulate your emotions and self-soothe. When we learn how to soothe in moments of chaos and confusion, we have a much easier time regulating the reactions of our emotions. This can be so helpful for those who have anxiety, panic, ruminating or compulsive thoughts. The more you practice the technique that works best for you the easier it will be to call upon self-soothing and regulation in the thick of the moment. So keep that in mind that it’s not magic and may not always work instantaneously… build upon the habits!
Here are some helpful ways to practice self-soothing:
Let’s journal about:
Acknowledged and identify the emotion you are feeling. How would you describe it? Where in your body are you experiencing it? What would someone experiencing this emotion need?
Let's Talk About: Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic perfected by narcissists and those wanting you to question your reality. If you have been on the receiving end of gaslighting then you know how awful and disorienting it can feel. You start to question if you really are TOO sensitive, you feel confused about the relationship, you’re always the one apologizing without knowing why, you feel put down and wonder if you’re good enough.
The purpose of gaslighting is to make you question yourself, your sanity, worth, and the truth in front of you by someone afraid to lose their power. It happens in relationships, personal and professional kinds, and sometimes to an entire country by top notch narcissists in political dress (ahem).
It is a way for someone to deflect responsibility and instead place blame elsewhere for their own misgivings. Narcissists lack empathy and self-awareness. They fear looking inward to their own flaws and faults and instead constantly blame others for their f*ck ups. This behavior is usually learned from modeling and the person may genuinely not understand what they're doing due to the lack of awareness. That doesn’t make it ok, gaslighting is emotional abuse.
A huge percentage of people with narcissistic personality disorder are unable to identify this aspect in themselves. Do not bother reasoning with them about their behavior. You will only be left feeling more confused and down. Instead look for these:
Gaslighting Red Flags:
-The person lies outright (sometimes quite obviously)
-They deny truth, even if you have undeniable evidence or proof
-They try to guilt you
-Their actions and words don’t match up
-They wear you down over time and throw in compliments (back handed or straight forward) to confuse you
-They say you are crazy or that other people in your life are
-They try to isolate and turn you off from friends and family by speaking poorly about them
-They are projecting (ie: the partner who always suspects your cheating but is the one who stepped out in a way that is making them feel shameful)
There is no winning in this type of dialogue, relinquish the need to be right in these arguments and focus on how you feel, stay clear. Seek a trusted person and therapist to speak to about the way you are being treated. Set and hold clear boundaries, choose to not engage when they behave this way.
Try to stay calm and listen to your inner voice! The gut is so often right when it comes to gaslighting because it just feels wrong in your body. It is covert emotional abuse and may be hard to recognize at first but if you listen to your gut and look for the signs it will be easier to spot.
Keep in mind that this behavior is never about you! This signals pain and work to be done in that person. Work they may never do, so keep the focus on what you need. Of course the love you have for them does not disappear but let the love you have for yourself be stronger than allowing this type of disrespect and disregard for your emotions.
(Sadly, there can be domestic violence where gaslighting is happening, please make sure to be safe and to always have a safety plan of where to go and who to call should things escalate. Please seek your local resources or call the national domestic violence hotline at: 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org).
How do these dialogues make you feel? Are you being told that this behavior is coming from love? Have you ever witnessed this behavior in others, childhood or otherwise? What boundaries can you set around communicating with this person?
There is also the issue of racial gaslighting. This is tactic used to avoid looking at inner racist shadows in oneself. It may sound something like: oh it's just a joke, I'm not a racist. I have BLANK-minority friends. Or blatant denial of the existence of racism.
An Intro to Slow Fashion
Hey guys, it's Rox! I hope your week is off to a good start . I just wanted to check in and let you know that if I'm going to be posting selfies more regularly than you'll probably start to see that I am an OUTFIT REPEATER.
As a recovering shopaholic who has been on a path of conscious living for the past 3 years, I've found integrating slow fashion into my life to be harder than I hoped it would be! Finding ethical brands made with sustainable fabrics and practices is not as easy as hopping into a Topshop (my fave of fast fashion) to find a fresh look.
BUT I've been doing it and loving it. I love finding different ways to wear the clothes I already have. Finding new brands to obsess over and getting back into thrifting. (My teenage self LOVED thrifting vintage graphic tees on Melrose.)
After learning about the environmental impact of fast fashion, I mean there was no turning back for me. As an #HSP who feels too much, the guilt is overwhelming and for a while I just found myself not able to shop at all. (First world problems, I know).
I see style as an extension of who I am and how I feel. I believe that dressing well makes you more confident from the inside! So get used to seeing me style the same clothes in different ways. I mean if it's good enough for the Duchess Catharine, it's good for me.
I'll also share with you the brands I've found and researched so far (tagged a few in the pic). As well as other sustainability hacks to make transitioning into conscious living a bit easier for you. We are at a crossroad, we can return to the old way of life, filling our home with trash or move toward a new path filled with renewables and conscious consumption.
Some questions I ask myself before making a purchase:
1. Do I actually need this item?
2. Can I find a sustainable-ethical version of this?
3. Will it work with the clothes I already have in my closet?
4. Will the fabric and make of this item last me a long time?
5. Can I style it in different ways to extend the life of the purchase?
If the answers are yes, I will buy the piece with no hesitation. We can't always thrift or find the perfect staple piece that is also made sustainably, but I'll ask myself these questions and if it is a good quality item that I know will get use from then I make the decision to purchase it anyway.
I'm going to focus more this year on thrifting and shopping second hand first. I also like to sell my clothing back on Poshmark instead of throwing them out. Of course, I donate what does not fit into a resell category.
I hope you follow me, ditch fast fashion, and your fears of being caught in the same outfit twice
Let's Talk About: Numbing
Sometimes our feelings are so big and powerful that we want to avoid them. However, in doing so we numb ALL feelings, even positive ones like joy. There are the classic ways of numbing like drugs and alcohol to the more seemingly harmless behaviors like watching TV, binge eating, eating junk foods, scrolling through social media, or watching hours of YouTube videos. Anything that you aren’t doing with intention as a way to TUNE OUT. It isn’t that these are “bad” behaviors, just that it can be helpful to recognize the feeling behind them and that you pay attention to why you’re doing them so that you can hear what your inner voice is trying to communicate.
Are you really hungry or are you feeling lonely? Will eating a bag of chips or spending 2 hours on TikTok alleviate this feeling? Most likely not, but it does hush it down. Our inner voice needs attention and care just like a child to be fully cultivated and active. It is what directs us and keeps us authentically on the right path. But we’ve learned to not spend time with our feelings. To pour a glass of wine at the end of a hard day rather than take 15-20 minutes to journal or mediate on uncomfortable feelings that came up. Why? Because we think it will be easier. Because it can be really hard when you’re feeling down to DO SOMETHING about it. But the more you ignore that voice, the further away you get from your authentic self. If we lean in we can find the root and make changes in our life. That’s scary too, you’ll have to become accountable to yourself! Once you KNOW something it is really hard to ignore and UNKOW it. But you can do hard things and in doing the hard thing, your life flows more freely.
When we numb to avoid the pain it becomes difficult to recognize any of our feelings. Feelings like anxiety are an evolutionary trait to protect us from danger. If you felt NO ANXIETY all the time you might get in trouble. There are certain times when it is appropriate to feel anxious or nervous. And of course, if we feel nothing than how can we feel contentment and joy?
I’d like to leave you with a journal prompt to get you thinking about how you take care of yourself so you can be more aware of what you need as you become aware of your own numbing habits.
Let’s journal about: NUMBING
Think about the last time you had a really tough day. What did it feel like when you got home? What feeling/s were you trying to avoid? How do you soothe yourself when you have uncomfortable feelings?
Image from pinterest
Let's Talk About: Projections
We hear about projections in pop culture often in jest, a way to make fun and decrease responsibility for the behaviors we don’t like, by allowing us to reject them outside of ourself. I don’t want you to think of projections as just psychobabble. From birth to the present moment, the world becomes a mirror for the shadow aspects of self. These aspects show up mirrored back in people and situations as it is easier for our fragile ego to see. But rather than be grateful for the light they shine we feel triggered. If you have been triggered by a projection it might feel like: annoyance, resentment, disrespect, or even disgust. A strong feeling of whatever “THAT” trait or situation is does not belong in me. NO WAY, NO HOW!
Looking at our projections help us see the areas in our life that could use growth. The parts of self we have rejected and so judge in others. If we pay attention, projections illuminate the shadow self. After years of pushing away and rejecting this aspect it will be difficult to notice. It feels instead that the person or situation triggering you is to blame. You may find it difficult to see in yourself. But sit with it! Getting quiet and allowing your subconscious to be brought forward is really necessary. One way I like to do this is, is by listening to binaural beats in a theta frequency. Try looking for theta tracks on Spotify or YouTube, both have plenty of options. I personally like the Binaural Beats: Theta Brainwaves playlist on Spotify!
Projections show us our shadow and reparenting the shadow leads to more authenticity. More authenticity leads to more contentment and a significant decrease in mental health symptoms. So think back on the last time you felt really triggered by something or someone. The last time you had that really guttural ego kick. I will leave you with a journal prompt to help you think back on this. Let you shadow come through, growth is uncomfortable but SO SO worth it!
Let’s Journal About: Projections
When was the last time you felt triggered by a person or situation? What was the core issue of this trigger? What did it feel like? Has there ever been a time you acted the way this trigger made you feel? Can you link it to a memory in childhood?
(image from Pinterest)
Let’s talk about: SHADOW
In Jungian psychology, shadow refers to the unconscious aspects of self that the conscious self does not identify with. We are ruled by these unconscious shadow aspects and allow them to run our lives when they are not in our conscious awareness.These are often parts of self that makes us feel sad or bring up shame. Shadow aspects could be parts of self that were rejected in childhood. So we learn to protect ourself, repress the feelings, hide our wounds, and in doing so hide from our most authentic self.
Shadow leads to subconscious limiting beliefs. For example, when you were little you may have wanted to be an astronaut. Maybe you were a curious child and authentically in tune what made you feel good and you shared this with a parent or a school teacher who responded with “oh that’s a lovely idea, but you have to be REALLY smart to be an astronaut”. Oof that stings! Your ego feels wounded and you push back that child like authenticity and squash the intuitive voice that told you what YOU wanted. You form a limiting belief around the fact that you are not smart and certainly not smart enough. You may stop trying in school, wanting to protect that fragile ego from failing and proving it true. You hide the pieces of yourself that know you can do more or well. You stray far from your authentic self and you begin to view that trait negatively outside of yourself. Becoming triggered and looking down on those who do well in school or work hard at it. That’s your shadow, that little piece of your soul living outside of yourself.
Shadow becomes a part of our personality and it greatly impacts relationships. As these shadow selves are formed during attachment years we are also learning about how to show up relationally and what to hide. For example, maybe you had parents who didn’t have time (or know how) to play with you. You may have tried to get their attention or asked dad to play and heard, “not right now” but right now never came. So you repressed parts of yourself that sought connection. You wiggle into your shell and deny the parts of self that need play. This person may become a work-aholic and struggles with finding joy activities. Or they may find it difficult to trust others without fear of being disappointed.
Uncovering your shadow can be uncomfortable work. It takes quiet self-reflection and effort to notice these dark parts of self. In therapy you can work on identifying these shadow aspects, the core beliefs that they formed, and working to reparent and heal these aspects as you reintegrate them into your conscious personality. When we can make them conscious we begin to shift these limiting beliefs into a more balanced neutral view, allowing it to be reintegrated into our personality. In doing so, you feel more confident, have higher self-worth, live more authentically and most importantly see a decrease in trauma symptoms such as depression and anxiety.
I will leave you with this journal prompt to get familiar with your shadow. Sit in quiet reflection for 15–20 minutes and then journal what your subconscious shows you. BE HONEST with yourself. You can work to reintegrate this aspect back into your personality in a healthy way, but only if you become aware of it.
Let’s journal about: SHADOW
Is there a trait you feel shame about or judge in others? Someone/thing that makes you cringe? Can you link that to a time you behaved this way? What was the response you received?